the silence is killing me

That silence is what kills you. That hum of nothing. They say time stands still, but it doesn’t. it stretches. Hearing the movement and noise from the other room. The silences in-between just destroys you. All you can wonder is what you’ll say afterwards. What can you say? What can you do?
Alfonso decided to kill himself at 10.46pm on a Tuesday Night over a loss of a girlfriend. He made the choice to swallow an entire bottle of the medication his flatmate had left in the cabinet. He used some old vodka bespeckled with coffee grounds that remained from the last party they threw. And at 11.06pm he called me to tell me what had happened.
The barely audible slurring voice told me no one loved him. He couldn’t carry on. It was all over. He’d put his phone on private, so I thought it was prank call. And I told my suicidal best friend to leave me alone; I had work the next day.
He started crying and my attention peaked a little more. Jodie’s name was garbled through the receiver. It’s over man…all over….no point…fuck it.
When I arrived he was on the couch in a contorted position usually restricted to magician’s assistants. Droll dribbled from the side of his mouth. The empty vodka bottle sprawled on the floor. I ran to his side in a panic. Wake up, God please Wake Up, Please God Please.
And he did. He came too quickly, and with bleary eyes he recognised me.
You Fucking Idiot
It was all that came to mind, I reached for the phone to call the ambulance, get him some help when I noticed the bottle on the floor. I picked it up
I just can’t take it man, I just can’t take it
Dude…you tried to OD on Vitamins?
His eyes locked into mine and that look ran over them. That look where you thought you’d hit rock bottom. Only to realise you’d done it with your fly open.
Fuck it
Turns out you can have all the effects of an Overdose with a placebo. If you want it enough.
It also turns out that 20 Vitamin D pills make your mouth taste like ass.
So Alfonso was locked in the bathroom dry wrenching the pills into the toilet bowl, while I sat outside trying to work out exactly how you deal with someone too stupid to even attempt to kill himself.
And the silence in between heaves was killing me.